There are a lot of times in my life that I have wondered how far would one, should one go to get what they need to get by in life. How hard do we have to try? How much stress should one person go through alone, just to try their best to provide for them or their family? What lengths are to far to go to just pay the bills? And lastly, why is it always those that try the hardest, that have the worst time just getting by?
Yes, in life it is our choices that put us where we are when both good and bad things happen to us. Unfortunately, there is no magic sign that tells us what path to take to make our lives the easiest. If there were a little sign or signal that would help us all to make not only the most intelligent decisions, but also the ones that bring about the more fruitful consequences; then our lives might be far less painful. Those of you that are reading this, if you understand what the feeling is, then you also understand the question, “How far is to far to go, to get what you not only need but deserve out of life/”. The things in life that we need are basically simple, if we let them be. We all need food, water, clothing, and shelter; we need to also be able to provide these things for our families. Is it right that some of us try; we try so hard that we hurt? We do our best so many times, and always still try to do what’s right, that when we see others doing the opposite it hurts us even more.
Between both work and school, I have only had perhaps 5 days off in over 8 months. (Excluding the time I fractured my foot trying to do something nice for someone else, I had to miss work for two weeks for that, but I still went to school.) I attend school full time in the fall and spring, as well as work every Friday Saturday and Sunday. Over the summer I went to school part time and worked my regular job and I also picked another one working for two hours a day every day that the Mud Hens had home games. I am also a single mother who does not get to spend nearly as much time with her kids as she would like. Well sure you say most parents feel that way. Well in my case I live in Perrysburg and my daughter technically lives with me, while my son has lived his life time in Findlay with my Mom and Dad. And until an year ago I had lived my whole life in that town as well. Both of my children go to school in Findlay, even my daughter who as I said, technically lives with me. I say technically because even though I never get days off and work so hard that I sweat, I barely make enough money to pay the gas to go between school and work little lone drive back and forth to Findlay every day. Well you might be wondering why my daughter goes to school so far away, well simply put she goes there because it is best for her education. My little girl is in very advanced classes and was even chosen to be one out of only 30 third graders in the entire town to take those special classes too. I feel that I would be doing my girl an injustice by giving her less of an education. My problem is that I make so very little money that Hanna has to also stay with my Mother and Father 90 percent of the time. I try, I try real hard, but I can only do what I am able to do. I live up here because I lost my house I was buying in Findlay, trying to take care of my friend’s kids for a couple years while they were incarcerated. And as if a gift from above, the opportunity to buy this one for a less than 1/3 that I spent on the roof of the house that I was about to be made homeless from. Now that the threat of homelessness has passed, I am forced to live lonely.
You by now I am sure are wondering why I am talking about all of the above rambling. At work recently we have been having a lot of thefts. And the two suspects are still employed. In fact, the only two people who are working every single time that money has come up missing in the last couple months or so, get more hours than me every week. Believe me when I say that I try as hard at work no matter how horrible and low paying the job is, as I try at everything else. And I am the kind of person who when I don’t try my hardest I cant sleep at night thinking about what I could have done better, Ok, so maybe that is a bit of a neurosis, or maybe it is just good values. What ever it is, I see two adults with children, one in my age and lives with her husband, five kids, her two brothers, all at her mothers two bedroom apartment. And the other girl lives with her mother and is pregnant with her first child. My point of that would be to say that, where as I do not feel that I am better than anybody, I do feel that I try so very much harder than most and certainly him or her. This makes me so very angry, and hurt, and practically victimized. What is the deal here? Do I have to learn to steal? Why is it that not just I, but all of us who try the hardest in life, and ALWAYS the ones who have the hardest times? How fair is this I ask? And I answer that it is NOT! I have come to the conclusion this time as well as every other that I have wondered in my head this very same question: that I am hoping that all the times we hear the empty and over repeated rhetoric of “they will get what they deserve someday.” or “you will be rewarded in the end”, I am hoping that those people are right. But my people do not be deceived in to thinking that I actually expect either to ever come about. But I do know that I will stand by what if feel is right and not sink to the level that people like theses two have. I will stand firm to my decision to just suffer though and keep on trying.
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